so my days been pretty good as far as my days go. Ive had alot of friends contact me which was really special. I dont feel worthy to talk to people so this is kinda as close as i get these days. Im sorry about that, but this happens now and then.

So for one day, i actually got to smile. For that i am thankful. The friends i thought id lost, showed me they still cared. Never underestimate the feeling a smile brings.
Xoxo rach.

this is my first time doing one ofthese.

I remember one day in hospital us girls were all sitting around talking about this and who would play who, and everybody agreed that charlize theron would be my perfect match.

And ofcourse the plot would be mostly ed related with extras (other mental illness, being a lesbian and bullied all throughout primary school).
Xoxo rach.

so things have been going well. Weight was stable today (drats) but to be expected since im only managing 135 cals. Ive gotta have more to get my body 'switched on' again so i can start really losing.

Todays feeling a little iffy, weather wise. I mean, last night they said thunder storms and i was like 'NO! My walk!' but then they seemed to happen this morning (i get up at 1.40pm everyday) and it was sunny just before but now its getting darker so im a bit nervous. But i decided last night even if it was raining, id still go out for my walk, but not take my bag which is a big deal as i always take my bag (but donno if i could do the walk if something was 'wrong') ohh things are so crazy strict in my mind/life its really beyond funny. No wonder my stress is always high.

My dizziness is back to how it gets when i have next to nothing. I almost fainted again last night when i got up to use the bathroom. Just gotta be a bit more careful. Been so tired too. Like yesterday i was so mentally and physically drained i felt like crying when doing my walk coz all i wanted to really do was sleep. But still, i couldnt, i had to exercise and do my routine.

Enough from me, walk time almost :D
(please dont rain, please dont rain)
xoxo rach.

so today i managed strawberries and my veg soup. So 135 cals in total i had. Been over two weeks and this is the most ive had.

Bmi is down to 16.

I miss it being 13.4...
Xoxo rach.

just as a distraction, i'll make up a list of 20 of my favourite oldies movies (mostly b&w, a few colour), not in order tho...

1. Casablanca -how can it not be!
2. Days of wine and roses -can relate to this movie in an addiction sense.
3. The apartment -gotta love jack lemmon (my fav male actor in the 'oldies' group) *contains a suicide scene*
4. The million pound note -gotta love gregory peck too...and an interesting experiment!
5. Its a wonderful life -omg...what an ending! Made me cry tears of happiness. Its also a very famous christmas movie.
6. Beloved infidel -true story
7. Whatever happened to baby jane -these two ladies didnt need to act their hate for each other...its REAL!
8. Stranger on a train -hitchcock movie!
9. Psycho -classic hitchcock!
10. Wait until dark -audrey hepburn
11. The african queen -another classic i was very lucky to see at the movies.
12. Lizzie -split personality and hypnosis based
13. Mommie dearest -also a true story.
14. The front page -jack and walter were the perfect combo back then.
15. The inn of the sixth happiness -ingrid bergman is a fav female actress, shes so amazing in this (as an actor and character.)
16. I'll cry tomorrow -another addiction movie
17. Rage in heaven -jealously to the max!
18. Gaslight.
19. A patch of blue
20. Guess whos coming to dinner -im pretty sure its a classic too, a big topic for back then aswell.

Xoxo rach.